The day before Christmas, one would hope that it would be Merry.

Giant gingerbread houses? Seriously who comes up with these ideas besides that child eating witch in Hansel and Gretel. I think that my mother has officially gone crazy when she says that this “sightseeing” is the equivalent of family bonding time. All I can think about is the miserable two and a half hour long car ride that it’s going to be to get there, just to arrive to some old lady with perfectly coiffed hair undoubtedly offering me cider and then reciting each and every useless detail as to the construction of it. Honestly, since we are in the south, all I can assume to be accurate is the fact that it was probably made by Mexicans.

In other news, I think that I and every other procrastinator in the country has decided to shop today. I, for one, am really just aggravated that GameStop thinks there’s going to be a massive post-holiday rush and refuses to sell me a Nintendo DS today, when I know for a fact that there are 20 in the back. Oh, the benefits of being a GameStop employee — and a female employee at that. Multiple encounters with the third kind (pimply faced pubescent boys with 3-day old grease in their hair asking me if I actually played video games, who were then for some reason shocked at the fact that my gamerscore is higher than theirs.) led me to realize that working a job in retail should really put you on the fast track to sainthood. I hope that the Pope is taking notes. Another minor insult along these same lines is when boys are like “wow, you know what torrents are”. Really? REALLY?

Jim Halpert, where are you in real life so that I can marry you now.

As for my comments on women here is one thing you should know (I will try to include one of these every update):

1. If you ever make a comment about our physical appearance that is negative we will never forget it, but for some reason if you call us beautiful, we pretend we never heard it as an excuse to hear it more often.

• This includes compliments of our clothing, if you say we look nice in something, it’s a guarantee that we will wear it    more. I also swear that every woman has that pair of “ass jeans” that they think makes them look two sizes smaller.
• Those Twix commercials, listen to them for God’s sake

Damn this writers strike is really affecting me, I’m so glad that I have Jon Stewart in my basement in case I need any dry and witty humor.

My goal for the remainder of Christmas break aside from playing through a stack of violent video games is to learn this entire dance so that I’m ready for each and every random dance party that comes along.

First post ever (oh hooray, the blog lives)

Generally, I feel that I lack enthusiasm for new things not pertaining to design and the typeface Helvetica. However, after reading numerous articles in the New York Times stating that some sort of statistic-y percentage of teenage girls have a blog, I feel that my input is necessary.

Girls are confusing, emotional, terribly bitchy creatures which men fail to understand. I feel that a vast majority of my gender gives me a bad name, and that a synchronized worldwide period (aka, “Crimson Tide”, “Red October” or as my mom likes to call it “the unwanted visitor”) could be considered a natural disaster comparable to hurricane Katrina. It completely baffles me how a girl in my sociology class can stand up and ask if I feel oppressed because I have a vagina — the frank answer would be “Yes” only because whiny, wimpy girls like her exist to bring the collectives image down.

I have yet to decide on the true topic of this blog. I will do my best to include reviews of video games and movies, current events, as well as the regular every day insight into the female mind that I know most men crave, because really, women are crazy bitches. I promise to do my best and attempt to spell everything correctly, combining it, whenever possible, with proper grammar (not that I actually learned any of this in my secondary education experiences).

In the meantime you should watch this video about Mormons, I had to watch this in Bible class senior year, then when I encountered a Black Mormon girl — I couldn’t stop laughing hysterically.