Christmas, and the revenge of the Green Eyed Monster.

Okay, so I’m fully aware that Christmas is all in the spirit of giving, however, when your younger sibling who failed three of their exams gets approximately 4.5x the worth of your presents. One can’t help but to be slightly jealous. Especially considering that one of the gifts was a stereo system that seemed to be an exact replica of the giant black rectangle in 2001: A Space Odyssey, you all know what I’m talking about….I swear the damn thing is taller than her (and she’s 5′3″). However, I look back on those friendly Berenstain Bears books and think that there’s supposed to be something bloody positive about all of this.
Man, I loved those books when I was a kid, except it made me want to live in a tree and my parent’s didn’t necessarily agree with that idea. There was also this issue with wanting a pet bear…and to own a 12-gauge.

On the issue of women, and how they’re fucking crazy. A little attention really goes a long way, most expect you to think of damned creative or cute things all on your own little lonesome, without ever being told. Most girls follow the “I want you to know that I want you to do it without me having to ask you to do it” mantra, which is usually easily averted on the girls side by a simple request, however, of course, all women like to make things complicated. I think it’s just the natural system of checks and balances built into nature — if we got along fabulously, then by golly we’d have a population we couldn’t really control now wouldn’t we?

Here are some tips for if the little lady is a) your girlfriend, b) the girl you want to sleep with or c) some girl you plan on dating:
1. Call her, text her, do something, once a day, to show her that you are thinking of her. Facebook messages can help too.
2. On Holidays, do something for them. Card, gift, handcrafted macaroni necklaces. Who cares what it is — either way, if she’s saying” I don’t expect a gift”, it’s a blatant lie. If you want real brownie points — buy her a puppy, she’s going to say “oh my GOD”, guaranteed. She also may sleep with you on the spot.

To close, I’ll leave everyone with what little Christmas spirit that I still have. This is a clip featuring my favorite Christmas song “Baby it’s Cold outside” with one of my favorite actresses Zooey Deschanel (she’s great at playing the quirky, crazy type — and Will Ferrel.

Merry Christmas all!
Tomorrow expect updates and some game reviews for: Orange Box, COD 4, Bioshock and Oblivion GotY Edition.

The day before Christmas, one would hope that it would be Merry.

Giant gingerbread houses? Seriously who comes up with these ideas besides that child eating witch in Hansel and Gretel. I think that my mother has officially gone crazy when she says that this “sightseeing” is the equivalent of family bonding time. All I can think about is the miserable two and a half hour long car ride that it’s going to be to get there, just to arrive to some old lady with perfectly coiffed hair undoubtedly offering me cider and then reciting each and every useless detail as to the construction of it. Honestly, since we are in the south, all I can assume to be accurate is the fact that it was probably made by Mexicans.

In other news, I think that I and every other procrastinator in the country has decided to shop today. I, for one, am really just aggravated that GameStop thinks there’s going to be a massive post-holiday rush and refuses to sell me a Nintendo DS today, when I know for a fact that there are 20 in the back. Oh, the benefits of being a GameStop employee — and a female employee at that. Multiple encounters with the third kind (pimply faced pubescent boys with 3-day old grease in their hair asking me if I actually played video games, who were then for some reason shocked at the fact that my gamerscore is higher than theirs.) led me to realize that working a job in retail should really put you on the fast track to sainthood. I hope that the Pope is taking notes. Another minor insult along these same lines is when boys are like “wow, you know what torrents are”. Really? REALLY?

Jim Halpert, where are you in real life so that I can marry you now.

As for my comments on women here is one thing you should know (I will try to include one of these every update):

1. If you ever make a comment about our physical appearance that is negative we will never forget it, but for some reason if you call us beautiful, we pretend we never heard it as an excuse to hear it more often.

• This includes compliments of our clothing, if you say we look nice in something, it’s a guarantee that we will wear it    more. I also swear that every woman has that pair of “ass jeans” that they think makes them look two sizes smaller.
• Those Twix commercials, listen to them for God’s sake

Damn this writers strike is really affecting me, I’m so glad that I have Jon Stewart in my basement in case I need any dry and witty humor.

My goal for the remainder of Christmas break aside from playing through a stack of violent video games is to learn this entire dance so that I’m ready for each and every random dance party that comes along.